10 Divorce Stories So Ridiculous, You’ll Weep For Humanity

 

Leave it to divorce to bring out the crazy in even the most rational and even-keeled people.

 

Below, divorce attorneys share the craziest demands and antics they’ve ever seen. Out of respect for their clients, they’ve requested to remain anonymous.

 

1. “In one case, a wife exacted revenge against her husband via his prized possession: She let all of the water out of the shark tank.”

 

2. “One client believed that she and her husband were very much in love and that they loved their dog as much as each other. When the dog refused to eat, stopped going to the bathroom, and got the dry heaves, they went to the vet in a panic. When the dog went under emergency surgery to remove a bowel obstruction, the vet pulled out a red lacy G-string. The dog was fine but the marriage was over; the G-string did not belong to the wife!”

 
 

3. “A client claimed his wife was ‘calling him out’ by posting ‘offensive messages aimed at him’ as her status on WhatsApp. Her message: ‘To all the liars out there: go choke on a —- [eggplant emoji].’ Sorry, but you cannot get a restraining order to prevent someone from setting their status to something you find offensive.”

 

4. “Sometimes, a client, or potential client, is anxious to show us the ‘evidence’ that their spouse is cheating. In this situation, they show us a photo of their spouse having sex with someone else and think they have them caught. But then of course we ask, ‘so who took this photo?’ and inevitably the answer is along the lines of, ‘Well, we were all naked…'”

 

5. “The husband announced his intent to file for divorce by burning his wife’s wedding dress in the fireplace. She hadn’t done anything you would expect to warrant this: no affair, no misuse of their money. His behavior the rest of the case was just as bad.” 

 
 

6. “My favorite crazy antic was a client who had been married for 40+ years and just couldn’t accept that her marriage was ending. She was determined to drive the costs of litigation up, and she called our office every day (at $250 an hour) because she claimed her parakeet ‘liked the sound of the paralegal’s voice.'”

 

7. “We had a client who was disgusted that her husband insisted on keeping his five cats in their 600 square foot-apartment. She moved out and then fought for hours (and thousands of dollars of time) over scratched, cat-pee stained furniture. Everything was so unsanitary but she had to have her share of it in her new place!”

 

8. “A gentleman client stopped in with a pair of his wife’s panties in an envelope, asking me to send it out for DNA testing. To anyone reading this, remember, this is divorce court, not CSI! I don’t have access to a lab in my office. The panties are still in my file.” 

 
 

9. “With the popularity of plastic surgery these days, I have male clients arguing that they shouldn’t have pay to pay for their wives’ recent implants because they’re ‘not getting any of the use and enjoyment out of them.'”

 

10. “I once had a case in which the husband, who had been very successful in construction, claimed he had no income and couldn’t pay support for his wife or kids because he needed a hip replacement. The judge might have believed him as he limped into court if he hadn’t posted a smiling selfie of him and his new girlfriend on top of a mountain they had just hiked up on Facebook a few weeks before.”

 

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